Volume 3 #25 December 4, 2005 Black Friday! What's with this? I thought the Stock Market fell or Bush somehow altered the Constitution (which he's always trying to do anyway) and "fixed" it so he could get those fifty-nine million STUPID people to elect him third term resident. But no. It's the day after Thanksgiving and for some obscure, long hidden, advertising agent's ploy it is a Black Plague that drives most people into Shopping Mall Madness! They camp outside these "hanging gardens of greed" well before the l-tryptophane turkey yawn trip has had time to gobble them down. Their wallets open. Credit cards waving in the plasticated air. They may as well carry signs that read: "Please open my monetary arteries so I can bleed myself into Red Debt." This is, so to speak, Bloody Sick! It's not like it was a Beatles Reunion. I know that's impossible but I can with misty eyes dream. Meanwhile, back at the mall... the doors have opened and the maniacal mall rats are racing to the "there goes my pension" shops. They will plop their currency down for anything. A year's supply of cigarettes for Uncle "Chaw" who has just kicked the "cough up the lung habit" to buying a mink for a long, distant cousin who is a vegan and a "save the baboon's heart" PETA activist. I suppose I'm the exception that proves the rule. I don't quite know what that means but I've always heard it or been called it. I despise the mauling trip. I hate buying shoes which is designated a woman thing. I am female! Watch me and my trusty jeweler's loop scope out Tiffany's and Cartier's. Diamonds are my chosen and God given birthright. Guess that doesn't make me much different than the mall cullers. Except I don't have crouching, cold cement knees. I am treated as though I were a Princess. I sparkle when I drive away in my 1973 Volkswagon!