This is really FREE speech!

Volume 2 #14 September 25, 2000
EXERCISE! I know, to some of you, (My little guy is one but he has a live-in personal trainer. TADAH! ME!) I may as well have threatened you with exorcism! But read on hopeful folk, this is a... well rather a different take on the subject. It's my own personal approach and it does work for me. And who knows? You might get the beneficial hang of it. I have seen many an infomercial for the Jane Fonda versions - she always forces you to watch professional "Stepford People" with bodies you know you could never dream of ever attaining unless you have been studying ballet since age three! There are myriads of self-proclaimed famous people pushing their "guaranteed to succeed" regimens. For example: Suzanne Somers. Have any of you noticed that in her current pitch she is wearing incredibly tight black clothing and is stretched out so far struggling to breathe that she is conveying the appearance of being "I'm not really fat. I'm just a has been who looks this way on television." Be real, Suzanne. Even your teeth are over weight! I wonder how her heavily leaned on elbow took the strain. Maybe her next exercise gimmick should be "The elbow-unwrinkle-sizer!" Denise Austin. We're talking enormous thunder thighs, here. She is frightening! A person could contract a major bottom load just looking at her. Enough said. Richard Simmons. If I were to recommend a weight-loss, eating-healthy system, (besides my own, of course) it would be his. Face it. He's been there, has suffered the flab and degradation. So, he cares and knows what fat people endure. The ones who participate in his videos are real people sweatin' it out. Now, we arrive at my frenetic but fun success theory. And you can do it in the privacy of your own abode. I have an appetite for dancing that even Mick Jagger might covet. I utilize my CD player to infuse me with my favorites. Here comes the hook: I let my imagination take me on an aerobic trip. I am the center of attention at a packed rock and roll concert. My fueled-up-with-fame powered mind dresses me in a stunning silver glossy outfit. The backup artists are the best in the business. I love lead guitarists. So, it's George Harrison and Eric Clapton on either side of me. I am the star! I must appreciate and please my enthusiastic audience. I always curtsy and take my more... more.... more curtain calls. This all probably seems quite daft to many of you but it works. I have always been a dreamer. I totally lose myself in this "it-is-real-to-me" world. About two hours later, I reluctantly return to cold reality. But for a few hours, I reveled in stardom, lost weight and felt fantastic! I abhor junk food so my dietary habits are pretty much low-cal. Sodium is out. Sweets are not treats. But like any other exercise excursion: Consult your physician before attempting it. Golly, I feel so important. I have to include that disclaimer! If my method appeals to you, go for it. You only have the illusion of fame to gain and pounds to lose!

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©2000 Carol Ann Carson
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