This is really FREE speech!

Volume 2 #8 March 27, 2000
I suppose most everyone in this so called "Free World" watched the longest Academy Awards telecast in its 72 year history. You've also had the Monday morning quarter backing analyses. The set sparkled with Glitz Galore (sounds like one of those 007 Bond Bimbos). Hey! Maybe they resurrected Ian Fleming to do the set design. C'mon suspend disbelief. Anything is possible in "Tinsel Town" and the "Computer Cosmos". I'm tired of listening to the suck-'em-up kudo commentators. I will turn my quill to the "Dark Side of the Force". Whatever gives Tom Cruise the delusion that he can act? Or that he is good looking? My little guy solved my puzzlement of one feature of his that has always caused me to yell at the telly in anger. His big schnoz! My dude said, I am paraphrasing, here: "With the high bucks he pulls down his Ego is so Gigantic it makes his nose look even larger!" My theory is: he doesn't put any of his vast undeserved earnings in the bank. They are kept in his "combination lock nose"! Next, Sean Penn. What is this? The "war of the noses"? Anti-talent. I am soooo grateful that he and Madonna never bred. I think I would rather hop a time travel DeLorean and date the unfortunately afflicted Elephant Man. NOW, we come to the Big Kahuna. The Primo Honcho. The General of pompous asses. Warren "I have laid every woman in sight to get to the top" Beatty! He gets the Irving Thalberg award?? Well, no need to paint the walls in our living room. They are a deep shade of BLUE!! What has he contributed to the craft that many of the gifted have been recognized or overlooked for? Okay. Yeah, about 30 years ago he was a looker. So what? Ya know Beatty you ought to look in the mirror when you shave. You're an old man. So, you can't slide by on what you ain't got any more. I remember when he married his treasured Annette. It was about 6 years ago, during the "Bugsy Malone" twisted history flick. In a desperate plea to win the Best Actor award, he married her the day before the Oscars. Didn't work ,dummy, they mark the ballots a month before that. He still couldn't get his hand on the Golden Man with the big sword. By the way, Warren, Thalberg died at a young age of a heart attack. Enough... enough. Though, trashing Beatty was a great purge! My only panting thrill of the evening was Peter Coyote. Now, that's a gift all wrapped in my choice of ribbon!

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©1999 Carol Ann Carson
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